Its been a week of work and reflection of what I've really become after entering JC. I must say that I've really changed quite a bit from the past, and personally not in a good way.

The past few mornings, I've been coming to school to do my morning devotions and spend the time to think about all the times I've spent here. For about 7 months worth of memories, what I see is merely arrogance, myself poking into others' matters with my really annoying busybody attitude, all this for just a mere wanting to be on an equal with everybody esle. Why? I ask, that I should feel that I'm not an equal? I think this question has driven me nuts for months, and probably changed me to someone I'm not. I was from a friend who told me about my change that has put this change to a stand still. Though this has indeed affected the way in which I have been conversing with people for the past week, it has provided me the chances to think before I say things or do things.

Never have I felt so useless and empty before... I remember in the past, where I promised myself not to change into someone who is full of arrogance, easily pushs the blame around, lazy and self centered,,, Yet for a period of time, what was I? This very being that disgusted me! Aiming to serve God and turn into a better person in JC to thank him for the grace he has shown me for my whole life, wasn't that what I aimed to do when I first entered AC?

Imperfection has always been evident in my life... I always ask myself if I'm needed in people's lives sometimes, whether even as friends, I'm more of a burdern than an aid... I depend on my friends greatly, yet I question myself, am I really a help to them.

Lord, help me be what you want me to be.
Amen