Capture;

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Thinking... ; 11:12 AM

Thought I'll post today... The week was ok..... Quite boring actually with the teachers going "blah blah...." With new stuff and some revision... Oh well.... So, spent some time in class day-dreaming...

I usually think of what people talk to me about... And I find out that I really act like a know-it-all when I seriously am not.... Well, Here's a little something... When i do that next, just ignore me so that I know...

For some reason, scenes of talking with kellyn just zoom past my mind... Must be influence from an young adult kind of thing...

There was this conversation I had with her that really left a really great impression...

Setting: Church Office
On a Sunday Afternoon with Edgar in preparation for Children's day performance...

Kellyn:"WoW, its really cold today...Brrrr..."

(Edgar checks remote for air-con)

"Its 36 Degrees!! No wonder we are feeling hot..."

(Nigel passes coat to kellyn)

"You have it since its you're so cold..."

"Nigel, do you have a girl friend? You really seem like boyfriend material.."
(Don't mind me, just quoting her... And I doubt she was thinking straight... Fever is always plays with people's minds...)

I told her that I would never get into a relationship due to two things... Or actually one thing... I can never get past myself... I want to wait till I really good enough for anyone.. When I can give up my all and be pure and pleasing in the eyes of the Lord... Till then, I can never totally devote myself in a relationship... And now I think of it.... I must Love God before I can truly love anyone esle for God is Love itself....

Who knows what I would be you know.... I told kellyn I really fear that my mind would lead my soul into darkness and forget all morals... Forget God and fall deep into darkness... That is why I teasure all of you... I'm changing... Being a know-it-all more and more these days that I am disgusted with myself... What am I becoming too..

Yet I have all of you... People to pick me up when I have fallen... To guide me when I took the wrong turn... And to hold my hand along this journey in life... If you all would allow me (Which I doubt so...) I would really wanna hug all of you all.... And just cry for all the times I was angry or made you angry... Really Sorry

But I rather you tell me where I went wrong than keep it to yourself... I wanna improve myself....

P.S I just wanna say... Though I doubt you'll be here to see it... Thanks Kellyn... For all you've done.. My thanks reaches out all so much... To both you and God... For he place you with me on this journey... And to you for all your guidence and talks.. Your laughs and concern... You're like a sister I never knew.... Thanks :)